Happy Wednesday, church family!

We’ve been driving up north to visit my husband’s family for the past 29 years. We’ve gotten pretty used to the drive, and have figured out which Starbucks has the best bathrooms, where the In’n’Outs are, and which exit is for Costco gas. But every once in a while, someone in the car has to go RIGHT NOW, and then it’s the mad dash to check our phones for the nearest gas station or fast food place. Inevitably, we’ll notice there’s a McDonalds a split second too late, just past the nearest exit. And it’s always when that was the last exit for a while, and someone just has to hold on. 

Sunday’s sermon was titled Exit Ramps, referring to opportunities that we have to get off the freeway when we’re going down a path that’s not exactly ideal. Yet, no matter how far down a path we get, God offers opportunities to change direction, to forgive, and choose to follow Jesus instead. Andy emphasized forgiveness. I didn’t like it one bit. There are certain people in my life that I don’t wanna forgive. *footstomp*. Nope. 

Here’s the thing, my friends. I have these great moments of forgiveness, when I legitimately do forgive the twits. I set the mental boundaries, I recognize an individual isn’t safe, and set my expectations of interactions with them pretty low. I’ve taken the exit, I’ve gotten off the freeway. Then something happens, an interaction with them, a trigger from who knows what, and I’m right back on the freeway again, speeding past every exit, letting the grudge, hurt, and desire for justice blind me from the next exit. 

I haven’t wanted to see these people as Jesus does. I’ve been choosing to see them through my own eyes, aka, through the errors of their ways, their opinions that are “SO wrong”, and the hurt they’ve caused me. Why? Because it’s fun to play judge? Because it’s fun to have this grudge wound festering? Ugh. Mostly, it’s the fact that I just don’t think it’s fair that they “get away” with what they did. It’s not fair that they don’t have to be confronted, don’t own their actions, their words. Nope. it’s not fair. But: 

Jesus never reduces my humanity. Jesus sets me free from the captivity of repeating the cycle of wounding so that together Jesus and I can start a new cycle of life and love.

I’m just looking at the person’s actions, not their true identity. Here I am, saying my identity is in Christ, not what I’ve been through. I am not giving certain people the same grace that I’m receiving from Jesus. 

Jesus, I’m tired of getting on and off the freeway. I want to just stay in the land of forgiveness, sans grudges, and without holding onto this desire for my idea of justice. I choose to accept Your grace, for myself, and for others, yes, even them. I am sorry for repeatedly taking back my forgiveness. I take back my peace that I’ve given away during my periods of unforgiveness. Bless and seal these good things, in Your name, amen. 

May your week be blessed,

Lisa