Happy Wednesday, church family!

We’ve been driving up north to visit my husband’s family for the past 29 years. We’ve gotten pretty used to the drive, and have figured out which Starbucks has the best bathrooms, where the In’n’Outs are, and which exit is for Costco gas. But every once in a while, someone in the car has to go RIGHT NOW, and then it’s the mad dash to check our phones for the nearest gas station or fast food place. Inevitably, we’ll notice there’s a McDonalds a split second too late, just past the nearest exit. And it’s always when that was the last exit for a while, and someone just has to hold on. 

Sunday’s sermon was titled Exit Ramps, referring to opportunities that we have to get off the freeway when we’re going down a path that’s not exactly ideal. Yet, no matter how far down a path we get, God offers opportunities to change direction, to forgive, and choose to follow Jesus instead. Andy emphasized forgiveness. I didn’t like it one bit. There are certain people in my life that I don’t wanna forgive. *footstomp*. Nope. 

Here’s the thing, my friends. I have these great moments of forgiveness, when I legitimately do forgive the twits. I set the mental boundaries, I recognize an individual isn’t safe, and set my expectations of interactions with them pretty low. I’ve taken the exit, I’ve gotten off the freeway. Then something happens, an interaction with them, a trigger from who knows what, and I’m right back on the freeway again, speeding past every exit, letting the grudge, hurt, and desire for justice blind me from the next exit. 

I haven’t wanted to see these people as Jesus does. I’ve been choosing to see them through my own eyes, aka, through the errors of their ways, their opinions that are “SO wrong”, and the hurt they’ve caused me. Why? Because it’s fun to play judge? Because it’s fun to have this grudge wound festering? Ugh. Mostly, it’s the fact that I just don’t think it’s fair that they “get away” with what they did. It’s not fair that they don’t have to be confronted, don’t own their actions, their words. Nope. it’s not fair. But: 

Jesus never reduces my humanity. Jesus sets me free from the captivity of repeating the cycle of wounding so that together Jesus and I can start a new cycle of life and love.

I’m just looking at the person’s actions, not their true identity. Here I am, saying my identity is in Christ, not what I’ve been through. I am not giving certain people the same grace that I’m receiving from Jesus. 

Jesus, I’m tired of getting on and off the freeway. I want to just stay in the land of forgiveness, sans grudges, and without holding onto this desire for my idea of justice. I choose to accept Your grace, for myself, and for others, yes, even them. I am sorry for repeatedly taking back my forgiveness. I take back my peace that I’ve given away during my periods of unforgiveness. Bless and seal these good things, in Your name, amen. 

May your week be blessed,

Lisa

Happy Wednesday, church family!

My two grandmas had a weird relationship with one another; they were polar opposites, and argued about pretty much everything. If Grandma Daisy commented that she liked my hair when I wore it up, Grandma Lucille would immediately interject that a girl's hair should be long and flowing, therefore I looked better with my hair down. Yet, each of their opinions changed based on the other’s verbal comments. They would argue about the slightest things, but still were on the phone with one another each night, making sure they didn’t miss a show, or to share what they heard on the news or from a friend. Growing up, being tugged back and forth between their constantly changing opinions was the most “stressful” family interaction I had. 

Other than Grandmas’ bickering, I feel like our small family didn’t have any major drama. When Pastor Andy asked the question in his sermon Sunday about familial patterns that were unhealthy, of course there were ones I could think of, but I realized that in the last 8 years that there has been a shift in our family, and the formation of potentially new, and unhealthy patterns- with my own reactions and emotions at the center. 

Two years after my mom died, my dad re-married, and a month later, I found my birth mother. All of a sudden, I had two new women in my world, both coming from very different views and patterns of life than how I was raised. I was used to my mom and my mother in law, two women of faith who loved me unconditionally, and who I felt completely safe with. The new women were so different from what I was used to, and I felt emotions I hadn’t experienced in my family~ defensiveness, guardedness, anger, and hurt. I found myself having exchanges that left me exhausted and anxious. 

Friends, I find myself at a crossroads. Neither relationship has been easy; I’m not even in contact with my birth mom anymore. I attempted to overthink this, then God showed me it’s actually simple: My children are watching me interact with these women. They are learning from me how to deal with people and situations that aren’t ideal. Am I inviting Jesus in and practicing forgiveness, or blowing up and falling apart? (uh, I’ve definitely done a little more of the latter). Each behavior I elicit is shaping my children, creating new patterns. I don’t want to create a pattern that is unhealthy. I want to show them how to invite Jesus in, forgive, and create healthy boundaries.

Jesus, thank You for the awareness of a potential new unhealthy pattern, and the power to stop a pattern in its early stages. I choose to forgive, even when the person is not “deserving”, or even aware that I’m forgiving them. I choose to give difficult people to You. I choose to create a pattern in my family that is glorifying to You. I don’t know exactly what this will look like in practical, everyday life, but I choose to invite You in to those moments that I need help. Bless and seal these things in Your name, amen. 

May your week be blessed,

Lisa

Happy Wednesday, church family!

In the first few weeks we lived on the Central Coast, Dave went away for work, and my parents, the only people we knew here, were on vacation. Parenting solo with a toddler and infant, and feeling quite alone, I decided to do something “normal” for LA: go to the mall. In Santa Maria. (If you’ve been to that mall, you’re probably already laughing.) 15 minutes after arriving, having walked the entire facility, past empty storefronts and quiet concourse, I called Dave, in tears. “That was it! Even the mall is lonely!”

When we lived in LA, we had a good, solid group of friends. We’d been through life and death, and everything in between. Then we moved to the Central Coast, a place we only knew my parents. I was frustrated with the selection of potential friends. No one seemed to “click” for me. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t able to find the level of friendship that I’d had in LA. Listening to Naomi’s story in Ruth, I really resonated with the bitterness she felt moving back to her homeland (except I was in a new place). I found myself bitter that life just kept going for everyone I’d left in LA, and here I was, alone in a new place, trying to find just a single friend. 

Little did I know, that like with Naomi, God was working in small ways, and I just needed to be patient. The first lesson He taught me was that the reason I had such amazing friends in LA was that we had been through so much together. We were vulnerable, shared, listened, and protected one another. I had been expecting someone to come into my new life at a level 10, even though I only knew them at a level 1. Long story short, God showed me what it looked like to start over, and provided a million little miracles along the way. He put new friends in my path, and I began to slowly deepen relationships with them. Three years later, my mom was hospitalized for the first time. It was then that I realized that He had worked in His perfect timing, to provide me with friends who were there to support me, encourage me, pray for me, and help take care of my girls. 

Jesus, thank You for redeeming me from my bitterness and loneliness. Thank You for the new friends you put in my life to go through some of the roughest years I’ve been through, and to come out of that experience at a level 10. Thank You for each one of my friends, the stories they shared with me, the little decisions they each made that would grow our friendship. I choose hope, patience, and trust in Your plans for me, today and every day. Bless and seal these good things, in Your name, amen. 

May your week be blessed, 

Lisa

Happy Wednesday, church family!

When Dave and I were first married, we decided that we wanted to have two children on our own, and if we wanted more, we’d adopt. Over the last few years, we realized adopting another child doesn’t have to be something done legally. Our girls’ have had several friends with awful home situations, relationships, etc. There’s now a phrase that has become common in our family, “Do we need to adopt them?” We’ve gone as far as trying to figure out where we could put another bed to accommodate someone actually living with us, but mostly, we’ve found that our house has become a safe haven for teenagers, for a day, a season, or whenever they need us. Dave and I realized that all we need to do is provide a place where these kids feel heard, loved, supported, (fed), and safe… things they often don’t get elsewhere. 

As Andy was preaching about Ruth asking Boaz to be her guardian redeemer, I was thinking about the teenagers in our lives that we have been blessed to be able to cover with our protective mama and papa bear love. It sounds lovely, beautiful, and such a sweet story, but we’ve had people along the way criticize us for not shunning certain kids for their choices, or exposing our own children to those types of people. I realized that like so many choices that we make following God’s lead, there’s always resistance.  Whether it’s the little voice inside your head saying “hey, save that $$, you need to use it for xyz”, or “ooooh, what is so and so going to say about that?” The enemy just thrives on trying to pull us away from our calling. 

This week, I found myself in a situation where I had a choice to either show love, support, and to be an individual’s guardian redeemer, or be upset with their choices, and show them just how unwise I thought those choices were. In that split second, I had to make a decision. I said a quick “Jesus help”, and then opened my arms for the hug. Honestly, I thought this would be difficult, but really, it was easy. It was my gut, the Holy Spirit, who guided me in how to act in that moment. It’s not my responsibility to judge. My job is to point to Jesus, and embody His love to others. Later, I heard the voice of the enemy, the anticipation of judgement from others, the second guessing of my decision. Thank you, Debbie, for reminding me to tell the devil to take a hike!! Friends, when we are called to be someone’s guardian redeemer, the situation might not be perfect. We might wonder where someone is going to spend the money we give them, what others will think, what it will cost us. But I know that following my Savior outweighs all my human doubts and worries. 

Jesus, thank You for being my guardian redeemer, and showing me what it looks like to cover others with my wings. Thank You for the honor of loving the kids in my life that aren’t related by blood. Thank You for showing me how to love them unconditionally, in a way that they might not have been loved before. I choose to tell the devil to shut up, and embrace my calling to love those who You put in my path. Bless and seal these good things in Your name, amen. 

May your week be blessed,

Lisa