Happy Wednesday, church family!

My two grandmas had a weird relationship with one another; they were polar opposites, and argued about pretty much everything. If Grandma Daisy commented that she liked my hair when I wore it up, Grandma Lucille would immediately interject that a girl's hair should be long and flowing, therefore I looked better with my hair down. Yet, each of their opinions changed based on the other’s verbal comments. They would argue about the slightest things, but still were on the phone with one another each night, making sure they didn’t miss a show, or to share what they heard on the news or from a friend. Growing up, being tugged back and forth between their constantly changing opinions was the most “stressful” family interaction I had. 

Other than Grandmas’ bickering, I feel like our small family didn’t have any major drama. When Pastor Andy asked the question in his sermon Sunday about familial patterns that were unhealthy, of course there were ones I could think of, but I realized that in the last 8 years that there has been a shift in our family, and the formation of potentially new, and unhealthy patterns- with my own reactions and emotions at the center. 

Two years after my mom died, my dad re-married, and a month later, I found my birth mother. All of a sudden, I had two new women in my world, both coming from very different views and patterns of life than how I was raised. I was used to my mom and my mother in law, two women of faith who loved me unconditionally, and who I felt completely safe with. The new women were so different from what I was used to, and I felt emotions I hadn’t experienced in my family~ defensiveness, guardedness, anger, and hurt. I found myself having exchanges that left me exhausted and anxious. 

Friends, I find myself at a crossroads. Neither relationship has been easy; I’m not even in contact with my birth mom anymore. I attempted to overthink this, then God showed me it’s actually simple: My children are watching me interact with these women. They are learning from me how to deal with people and situations that aren’t ideal. Am I inviting Jesus in and practicing forgiveness, or blowing up and falling apart? (uh, I’ve definitely done a little more of the latter). Each behavior I elicit is shaping my children, creating new patterns. I don’t want to create a pattern that is unhealthy. I want to show them how to invite Jesus in, forgive, and create healthy boundaries.

Jesus, thank You for the awareness of a potential new unhealthy pattern, and the power to stop a pattern in its early stages. I choose to forgive, even when the person is not “deserving”, or even aware that I’m forgiving them. I choose to give difficult people to You. I choose to create a pattern in my family that is glorifying to You. I don’t know exactly what this will look like in practical, everyday life, but I choose to invite You in to those moments that I need help. Bless and seal these things in Your name, amen. 

May your week be blessed,

Lisa