Happy Wednesday, church family!
At some point in elementary school, I decided I didn’t like my name. I didn’t want to go by Lisa anymore, so I asked my parents to start using my middle name, Nicole. Nikki sounded even cooler, so that became my name for a (very) short period of time. My parents were supportive of my wishes, and solely called me Nikki. The problem was, I didn’t respond. I was so used to the sound of “Lisa”, that “Nikki” didn’t even get a flinch from me. I don’t think it was too long before I begrudgingly went back to boring old Lisa.
Unlike Naomi in the book of Ruth renaming herself Mara/bitter, I just liked the name better. But Andy’s question in his sermon asking what we have renamed ourselves got me thinking. What lies have I believed about myself that have made me turn away from what Jesus calls me? My mind was blank at first, then I realized that to figure out what my struggles were, I had to think about the things that took my eyes off Jesus. When my eyes are ON Jesus, I hear/see/focus on all the things that He’s showing me, the truth of who I am. But when I get all twisted up in knots, doubting my gifts, my purpose, or trying to control the situation; that’s when I slip into the renaming.
I also realized that what is easy for me to embrace in one aspect of my life can be difficult in others. Lisa the photographer is incredibly confident in ability and execution. However, that confidence doesn’t always transfer to other areas of my life. I can even find myself absolutely confident I can do something, say, at church, then when the time comes to actually do it, feelings of negative anticipation, doubt, and insufficiency kick in, threatening to overshadow my purpose. I’m realizing that my stage of life also affects who I believe I am. I’m more confident in who Jesus says I am in some areas, more than I was in my 20s. Yet when it comes to matters and perspectives of my body that isn’t what it was 20 years ago, I find myself less confident.
I am a wife, a mother, healer, friend, shepherd, supporter, warrior, beautiful, quirky, all the things God has melded together to make Lisa. And no, it was not easy to write all those things out in a definitive declaration. But saying it out loud gives less power to the mental side quests that can pull me away from those truths.
Jesus, I am who You say I am. I am not the names I’ve been called, the experiences I’ve been through, the things in my life where I’ve failed. I choose to keep my eyes focused on You, and embrace what You call me. I’m a child of God, yes I am. Thank You for reminding me of that. Bless and seal these good things, in Your name, amen.
May your week be blessed,
Lisa, the strong, confident woman formerly and briefly known as Nikki
