Happy Wednesday, church family! 
 

I hate driving. I mean, it's fine, I'll do it, but I'm not one of those people who loves to drive. I don't look at a long trip as a splendid opportunity to be behind the wheel, exploring, and possibly take a longer route just to see what's there. Nope, no thank you. Dave, my husband? That's his happy place. He once had a flight from SLO to Phoenix get cancelled, and he was legitimately thrilled  that he got to drive instead. He had a fun car for years, and would spend his spare time going for drives whenever he could. He'd always ask if I wanted to go with him, to which I'd always answer "I love you", with a sheepish grin. This meant: "I love you but no way in any universe do I want to sit in the car for hours if I don't have to."

Dave and I have always had pretty opposite interests. I like to hike and be active, while he's happy doing things like watching videos about music theory or calculus (seriously), and researching the heck out of everything. Recently, he sold his fun car, and ended up with an e-bike (yes, pretty drastic change). For the first time in the 30 years I've known him, he's exercising regularly on this bike, and instead of going on long drives, he's going on long bike rides. He asked if I wanted to get a bike and join him. Friends, the last time I was on a bike was in Big Bear in college on a bike trail. My hind end hurt, and let's face it, I don't have the greatest balance. I politely declined, not as vehemently as the car ride, but, sorry dude, biking is not my thing.

Let's look at the situations above. What has actually been happening? Dave isn't trying to drag me to do something I don't want to do, he wants to spend time with me. What has been my response? Resistance. Shoot, that's what Andy preached about being the first thing the enemy does to keep us from what God wants us to do. What happens when the two of us spend time together? We have time to talk, to share, to strengthen our relationship. What have I been choosing instead? My stubbornness has been choosing comfort, sitting on the couch, doing my own thing, resisting anything that isn't exactly what *I* want to do, instead of growing the relationship with my favorite person. Gulp. 

Enter the Holy Spirit's nudge. Several hours after church on Sunday, Dave was talking about riding to Avila for fun, getting some coffee, then riding home. Remember that convicting nudge that Andy talked about? Let me remind you, because let's be honest, I need it:

Conviction doesn’t feel peaceful at first, usually because we don’t want to hear that we are called to die to our will, our selfishness, and our rebellion. But when we forgive and confess and repent, we are always given His peace.

That's when the conviction hit me. It wasn't the way that the enemy attacks, I didn't feel accused, I felt pressure. I realized I'd been resisting spending time with Dave, because it wasn't the exact way that I wanted to. In that moment, I felt like I knew what Jesus wanted me to do. I told Dave I wanted to get a bike and go on bike rides with him. Friends, his face lit up, and then he started researching the best kind of bike for me. Now, another thing Andy talked about in his sermon was that when we make a decision to do something in God's plan, the enemy will dig in and starting throwing things at us. So in the coming days or weeks, I need to be diligent in putting on my spiritual armor daily in preparation. I don't want to let my resistance or initial frustration keep me from God's plan to keep the relationship with my husband strong!

Jesus, I ask for forgiveness for resisting things like spending time with Dave, because it's not comfortable or what I had in mind. I choose to follow the Holy Spirit's nudges now, and use my little human power to throat punch the enemy for trying to steer me in another direction. I ask for protection as I embark on this new hobby with Dave, both spiritually and physically. Thank You for giving me a partner in life who wants to spend time with me! Bless our relationship. In your precious name, amen.   

May your week be blessed,

Lisa

Happy Wednesday, church family! 
 

Remember that kid in school whose hand was permanently raised? You know the one- before the teacher had finished even asking the question, their hand was up, ready to spout off the "perfect" textbook answer. They'd usually sit in the front row, and once they were called on, they recited everything (and more) the teacher was looking for, they'd have that smug look on their face. My friends, I was never that kid in school, but confession time: Recently, I've tried to be that front row kid in the words I write to you each week. 

In his sermon this week, Pastor Kurt emphasized the importance of vulnerability- with ourselves, with God, and with each other. Each Sunday, I listen to the sermon, occasionally taking notes, but try to listen to what God is saying to me through Andy's or Kurt's words. Some Sundays it's like they're speaking directly to me, others, it's more vague. Then comes time to write- yes, I'm vulnerable in my words, but it's the process that I've been struggling with lately. The last handful of weeks, I've started writing the "perfect textbook" devotional. I've found myself sitting down, thinking "how can I really drive home what was preached?" Instead of "how can I share what God taught me?" I've been writing beautifully crafted words, only to have God, halfway through my writing, cut me off, delete paragraphs, and have me start over. 

When I try to write the perfect devotional, I'm performing, trying to impress, and say the right things. Those are the times I sit down to write with the mentality of regurgitating what was already said in a new way, instead of vulnerably asking God to show me what He wants me to learn. Not write, learn. That process isn't being honest with myself with what God is teaching me through Sunday's sermon. Not every week is the biggest lightbulb moment, but my friends, I guarantee each week there's SOMEthing God is trying to show me! (Spoiler, I have a lot to learn and room to grow!)

Once I delete the flowery, perfect words and paragraphs (yes, it's painful!) and ask God what He is showing me, things become clear. The harder I try to write the "right" thing, the harder it is to actually write. It's when I stop, slow down, and confess what my struggles that week have been, shift my thinking from pride to honesty, that He shows me where I can grow. For me, this looks like clearing my mind, and listening. It's asking Jesus to come into the moment, and have Him to show me what He is teaching me. It's being honest with myself, where my struggles are, and coming to Jesus with those things. It's not stressing about what I'm going to write, but focusing on what Jesus is showing me. Sharing vulnerably is the most powerful thing I can do. 

God, I'm sorry for performing, for trying to find the perfect words, instead of being honest with myself and You. I'm sorry for letting my pride try to control what You want me to learn each week. I choose to slow down, and be honest with You, myself, and my friends, and open my heart and ears to what You want me to learn and where I need to grow. Thank You for always being a place I can safely be completely raw and honest, and loved. 

May your week be blessed,

Lisa