Happy Wednesday, church family!
As a counseling student in grad school, I was trained not only in the art of helping others process and navigate life's challenges, but also in how to do so in a healthy, sustainable way. We were taught that maintaining our own mental and emotional well-being is essential to helping others on a daily basis. So, taadaa!!! I’m a trained, completely well-adjusted, always put together counselor! (I really hope you’re able to read the sarcasm in my words.)
Shortly after my mom passed away, I laid in bed one night, thinking I needed to make sure to process everything that had happened to the full extent, so nothing would be suppressed or repressed. There were several traumatic events that led up to the day she actually passed away. I wanted to ensure that I was, once again, totally put together and healed. So, I pulled out my counselors’ toolbox and began working through things. Hmm, perhaps I should have added “perfectionist” and “likes to be in control” to my description above.
After listening to Matt’s sermon on Sunday, and hearing his words about allowing yourself to feel the feelings, then taking them to God, I thought, well I’m dang darn good at feeling all the feelings. I’ve been trained to do so! But then I realized that even though I allow myself to feel all the things, I too often leave out the most important thing: working through the grief with God, not just by myself. Whoops.
It’s not that I consciously reject God in my mourning, or refuse to share with Him. While grieving my mom, I just did it myself, I didn’t even think about it. (Not that that’s better, *grimace*). Technically I got through it, but I really wonder what it would have been like if I’d invited Jesus in at every moment. What would it have been like if I’d have been aware of just how close He was to me during those painful moments, just waiting for me to turn to Him, instead of choosing to do it alone. I may be a trained counselor, but He is THE Wonderful Counselor. Friends, if you’ve ever lost someone close to you, you know the grieving is never fully over, it just changes. So here’s the good news: Jesus is still there in the process of grieving my mom, He’s still available for me to come to in the gut punching moments that come out of nowhere. Like Matt’s dream, he’s been curled up next to me through it all.
Jesus, I’m so grateful that it’s never too late to invite You in. I’m sorry that I’ve left You out of the moments that You could have given me beautiful comfort and guidance. I can’t do it alone, I’ve tried, and I’m tired. Thank You, that You haven’t left me, and You are there to hold me and comfort me. I choose to include You, and invite You in. Bless and seal these good things in Your name, amen.
May your week be blessed,
Lisa
